Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
