I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize