There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
