3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
