Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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