I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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