i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
