I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
