I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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