you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
