As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
