quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
