Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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