The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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