I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
