ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
