just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
