Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
