I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
