Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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