i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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