they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
