I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
