I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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