Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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