Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
