y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
