Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
