She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize