I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
