My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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