Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think your dad took our porno
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
