halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
