Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
