This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
