It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize