just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize