Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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