she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize