I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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