I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
