Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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