Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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