I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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