Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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