ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we're making bets on your personal life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
