Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is classic penis vs brain.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize