Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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