We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
