it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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