Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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