i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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