God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
