I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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