I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize