I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
