she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize