I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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