you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
