she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
