And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this hospital has no fireball
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
