I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
