Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
