as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
