So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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