My hand turned me down
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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