just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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