ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
